Sunday, March 1, 2009

Ring Of Fire

I’m a secret fan of the “Darwin Awards” which commemorate people who strengthen the gene pool by removing themselves from it.

I seem to be surrounded by complete idiot and retards, but they stop short of Darwin-ing themselves, and remain [miraculously] with us.

So I’ve invented the D’OH-Win awards .

First Nomination…Let’s just call him ROB. Because that’s his name.

I’ve always liked this kid. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box but he IS a really nice guy. He is respectful, helpful, dependable and cheerful. He’s also a really hard worker and we give him odd jobs and part time work whenever we can.

So, last weekend Rob was down at the river drinking with some buddies and had an epiphany.
“Let’s pour gasoline in a ring around the bonfire and set it alight! Then we will have a RING OF FIRE”

Brilliant fucking idea Robin. Stellar.
Rob was on a roll. It got better.

“Let’s WRESTLE inside the RING OF FIRE that we’ve just built around our BONFIRE”
Outstanding! Exceptional Thinking!

So Rob and some other guy WRESTLED inside of the RING OF FUCKING FIRE and frikken rolled into the fire-ring.Shock Horror! Who’d have thought?

The other guy wasn’t badly burnt but Rob was wearing a gangsta shiny shirt [I know...] which literally melted and stuck to his body.Someone gave him a hoodie which he put on before sitting down to have another drink.Meanwhile some other kids continued to WRESTLE inside the RING OF FIRE.

No one knows how Rob got home but by the time his roommate got home at 2am, his house reeked of gasoline and burnt hair and Rob was in a tub in the bathroom, delirious with pain.He had 2nd degree burns on his back and neck, every hair on his torso is gone and his face, hands and arms are a mess.

He was airlifted to a specialist burns unit, and has now been released from hospital.

So Rob, here’s your D’OH award. Moron.

1 comment:

  1. Lovely to see you here, Sally!

    Prepare to be stalked.