Sunday, March 1, 2009

Down To The River

The kids around here go down to the river to party.
They take a lot of booze and a lot of drugs and listen to music really, really loudly.
They have sex and they wrestle and do "stupid shit".
I dunno exactly what other stupid shit they do because I’ve never gone partying with them down at the river but I can [unfortunately] imagine.

So, my friend Bill was down at the river and he was the only guy who hadn’t been drinking.
Some girls wanted a ride home so Bill offered to take them. They were very drunk girls.
The road alongside the river is dark and unlit. And the river is on the LEFT HAND SIDE.
There are trees along the river bank. If there are no trees it’s not safe to drive down there, because you can get stuck.

So, Bill was driving alongside the river and he started running out of road. His [drunk] passengers were saying “No No the road’s THERE – just keep going”
So he did.

His [drunk] passengers didn’t know squat.

The next minute Bill’s car is in the gravel in his carful of drunken girls.
Bill and the car and the drunken girls are sinking.

He went on foot back to the “campfire” and a couple of guys with trucks and tow-bars tried to haul him out but his car wouldn’t budge.

Finally someone got a truck and they tied a big motherfucking cable around the car, through the back windows and over the back doors and they pulled it out SIDEWAYS.

It was out of the gravel!
Sort of.

Imagine a squished aluminum can.

Neither of the back doors could be opened and the car chassis was completely twisted.

Bill said “I’ll never listen to those girls again”

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